Todd, I'm Looking for you on this?

I liked your suggestions on the last one. What do you suggest with this? (I may as well have you write them for me!)





The Good Life





A bum some call him, beard ragged and


mismatched shoes. Wearing the same clothes


for three months now, but he's not keeping


track.





He makes his home behind a bush under


the overpass of the freeway by the creek.


Nearby a cart with squeeky wheels holds


his life's only possessions - a soiled


sleeping bag and makeshift pillow which he


neatly folds and places in the cart each day.





He begins his search for treasures in every


bin he passes, carrying conversations


with nobody in particular, oblivious of


stares from passing cars on the busy city


streets. He finds a few empty beer cans and


remnants of one's lunch, its been a good day.





He shivers from the cold as the rain begins


to fall and he heads toward the comfort of


home, ending another day of asking for


nothing and receiving less.

Todd, I'm Looking for you on this?
Hi, well I know you’re being facetious but I wouldn’t want to write them for you. I just try to do light editing and suggestions to push into a direction with the words you’ve already started with. There is always a danger with a narrative that it will either be too distant, or be more of a short story. My suggestion to you is to think about your title: The Good Life (which is ironic and effective), and put your main character's mindset more into the piece. He comes off a bit delusional, so maybe move into his thoughts, and make him see it as the good life. Here's a brief example of a possible approach. The line breaks I use may not be the best right now--I'm just trying to give you a mood and a tone to work with on rewrite:





Amazing what people throw away


a man with his wits could live like a king.


What’s a bit of orange juice and cat litter


for a new jacket? Throw away


new shoes--when only the right one is bad—


wasteful. A nine is a little small, but you need


to work with ‘em you can’t give up.


Giving up is easy. Nothing worth


anything should be easy.





Something like that perhaps. Where you move to the immediate first person view.





Here is an early version of one of my poems I posted on YA where I did something similar (it is currently revised more, but I think it would still provide another example for you)





http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...





I look forward to seeing what you come up with.
Reply:thais poem is the tribute to your brother isn't it.i think it's beautiful!and wonderful.never put yourself doen.youir a wonderful writer.never give up writing.





cinderellamirage34@yahoo.com
Reply:Being there, done that!





The first time I was homeless I lived out of garbage bins and did it real hard. The second time I knew more about the welfare system and it was a lot smoother transition.





The first time I was insane. Left my job with the State Railways of New South Wales (SRA of NSW). Went to Queensland. Worshiped the darkside for about a week. It lied to me and told me that I was the anti-Christ. Committed an armed robbery, attempted armmed robbery, deprevation of libberty, vagrancy and served 6 months on remand and was paroled after seving 1 year of a sentence have not been in trouble with the police since. (During that time I lived out of garbage bins.)





When I got paroled I returned to NSW I stayed with my sister, who was a prostitute at the time, and her two children.


She was going through a divorce from her first husband. She has had 3 marrages and at least one long term relationship and was a victim of petaphilia by her father.





I got work with a lift company as a lift mechanic (electrician) for a year then came to the conclusion that it would be better that my neice and nephew should not go in to the care of their father and it would be better if my sistter was no longer a prostitute. That I to should go to my final rest after taking my beloved relatives, that I was living with at the time, with me to that permanent sleep. Sought after help to not go to that extreme and ended up in Macquarie Hospital for 3 month.





Have been on the Disability Support Pension since 1990 and worked with the mentaly ill for about 20 years.


Have been a telephone counsellor (left that because I was assulted by another counsellor when I was wearing sunglasses to shade myself from the harshness of others and the crulty they can show you.) Bassicaly finished a welfare course but did not hand in the report on my final placement because I seperated and then divorced my wife who was trying to kill me because of her mental illness and she was having a relatioship with another man.





Have been a co-ordinator of a drop in and activity facility for the mentally ill; The second consumer representative to join The Ryde Mental Health Consumer network and am still active in that network to a certain degree. (The Ryde Mental Health Consumer Network was the first of it's type in Australia and all similar such network has learnt and grown from it.); A Human Imune diffiecence Virius/Acquired Imune Deffiecence Syndrom, Mental Health peer educator (HIV/AIDS/Mental Health peer educator) for more then ten years and various other paid and unpaid work in the welfare industry.





Now I sell The Big Issue at North Sydney Railway Station and various other activities to earn an income. Have been published again, for the lyrics that I wrote, for a Hymn, that is published in The Big Issue, that hit the streets on Monday the tenth of September, 2007.





The second time I was homeless I refused to be a witness to domestic violence in a shared accomodation that I was in.





There is much more to this story to this but I'll leave it at that for now. Kind regards Daniel T.



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