Monday, August 3, 2009

This Is For All Those Peter Kay Fans...?

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to

arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in

the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your

kayak and heat it.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?" he said "OK then", I said

"Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're


You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the

night before and shoot the fox.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up; I

said "Did you get my drift?”

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a

complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it"; he said "Those are pickled onions".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought "he's trying to pull a

fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said

"Eurostar?”I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?”. He

said "How flexible are you?" I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack

myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was

Wedgie Kray.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a

red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked

for a-ROMATIC duck".

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a

competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your

carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-oover's witness".

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic


So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance

caller" he said "Not you again".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and

there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a


Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example

Goran, even he's a witch.

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's


So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

said "Are you two an item?”

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I

thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want

your type in here"

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but

don't start anything"

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is

this some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food

in here"

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

A seal walks into a club...

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to

the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in

the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an

hour the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why

they asked?” they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts

boasting in an open foyer."

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten

different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to

a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in

Spain they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to

his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished

she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

This Is For All Those Peter Kay Fans...?
Wow now that is dedication. Peter Kay is my current No 1 comedian. I laughed so much I want to share them like you have, I have taken the liberty of printing them. Thanks keep up the good work:)
Reply:Their all hilarious. hahaha i can't stop laughing.
Reply:Their all hilarious
Reply:Kinda silly stuff, sort of bland...I'm not a real big fan of puns
Reply:I have no idea who Peter Kay is but these are (for the most part) funny!
Reply:tee hee hee
Reply:Excellent! Keep them coming!!
Reply:it could b the lak of sleep but i found those funny as ever u r no1 go u!!!
Reply:Ha ha Funny - since early this year i am in YA but never could manage to post long post - how does u managed (am sincere with this question)
Reply:lol ha ha very good..x
Reply:very funny!!!


Leg resting!!?

My mare was shod last weekend and my farrier told me that she was wearing away her hind hoof. My mare keeps resting this leg all the time, is the hoof wearing away due to her resting her leg or something else??? Help.

Leg resting!!?
WELL, I would be able to help you.. if I understood it!

Try speaking English!

might want to re-try that question.

Loose Teeth

Does anyone shoes with smell keys in them?

I used to have them when I was a kid and thought about them last night for some reason. I rememebr they had a key in them, I think it was in the soul.

Does anyone shoes with smell keys in them?
give us all some of what ur on! and there was me thinking i had chosen the "all english questions" option!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:I have no soul. But I do have a sole on my shoe. No key though.
Reply:Athough you've spelt the words to the question wrong I understand what you mean! My little sister had them, they were from Clarks, black shoes where there was a little silver key in the sole inside a clear plastic bit at the heel. And you also got a key that was either a badge or a just a small trinket, can't remb excactly.
Reply:haha, yeh i had those! when you turned the key a little picture or something changed!!
Reply:they were called magic steps and they were from clarks shoes, the keys were in the soul shaped like a key in yellow rubber and there was a picture in the heel of the princess and the scenes were different with each shoe, they were generally of the black patent variety i had loads of pairs and so did my little sister and you also got a gold key a very small one and itwas a badge wow thats a blast from the past !
Reply:I had a white pair, I begged my Mum for them for ages!!

I remember being gutted when I had had them for a while and the clear bit on the bottom got a bit scuffed :o(

I think mine had a picture of a unicorn...
Reply:Oh I used to have them!

I loved them I always wanted to take the key out oof the sole, but I was never allowed!!!1
Reply:What are smell keys?
Reply:yeah i had a pair of white ones, u turned the key and picture of a princess or something i loved them shoes

skin lesions

Whats the best way to wrap a box of shoes to post to someone?

I tried last time using bubbe wrap I had and then using a black bin bag around the outside. Whats the best way to send them though

Whats the best way to wrap a box of shoes to post to someone?
first of all u might be knowing what type of style they like,i mean simple ,colorful etc. or if not then just cover the box with a plain white sheet paper (a little thick one) then any one with a good drawing can paint a gud picture with a pencil.then cover all with gum.then fill with your desired glitter shades and it looks me.hope i helped :)
Reply:possibly the way you already said

or just a cardboard box or an old shoe box

take them to the post office or summat and find out there

improve skin tone

POLL: alright my shoe fanatics...........?

this or that (if ur a guy, u dont have to answer the last one)

1) converse or vans

2) etnies or es

3) flats or heels

4) stilletos or mary janes

thanks, lurv s

POLL: alright my shoe fanatics...........?
Reply:converse (chucks)





3.Heels (I love heels)

4 Stilettos ( one of my favorite shoes)



Mary Janes
Reply:1) converse. all the lesbians wear vans and plus theyre not all that cool.

2) i dont know...

3) heels. i cant walk in flats. it feels odd. the higher the heel the more comfterble

4) mary janes. stilletos are too... designer... for me.
Reply:nikee jordans
Reply:1. Converse

2. N/A

3. Flats

4. Stilletos
Reply:this is hard...:(

im not going to even think about the last ones..i do not wear heels

what the heck is etnies or es?

Ok ill go for converses and flats..thats all i 1 and 3 yaayy

im gonna go watch me some tv and eat me some brownies..



mary janes
Reply:Flats and stilettos.
Reply:%26lt;------------ super SHOE crazy!

1. Vans

2. Etnies

3. Heels

4. Mary Janes (depending on where I'm going)
Reply:1. converse all the way

2. etnies (my first pair of skate shoes)

3. flats

4. neither heels suck and they make your feet hurt!




Whats that?




neutral skin tone

What are some places like Sports Authority and Foot Locker that have ladies track shoes???

Track %26amp; Field starts on Monday and I need new shoes. I got my pair last year from Sports Authority and they are really worn. When I looked at the selection at Sports Authority I didn't like any of them.

What are some places like Sports Authority and Foot Locker that have ladies track shoes???
Some good shoe stores that have track shoes and running shoes are Famous Footwear, Nike Store, and the Puma Store. Another good place is Dick's Sporting Goods.

skin tone

Why do my running shoes squeak?

My running shoes have started to sqeak. I got them last spring but just started wearing them a few months ago... so they don't have that many miles on them. I used to wear New Balance and Asics but switched to Nike Air because the lady at the store said it would help prevent me from running on the inside of my feet. Now my shoes squeak... Do I need a new pair or is there a solution?

Why do my running shoes squeak?
It may be the insoles that are squeaking.

Some talc powder may help.

Unless it is driving you crazy it doesn't matter or affect the performance of the shoes.
Reply:First, please take the removable insole out, put an extra pair of socks on and run a few yards. Does that help? Does the squeaking sound go away? If so, buy replacement insoles or experiment with applying vaseline (light coating) or talcum powder on the underside and edges of the insoles.

If this does not correct the problem then you must assume that an air unit has ruptured. In that case, you won't be able to fix it and the sound will not go away with time.

It is difficult for me to determine if your shoe's integrity or usefulness has been compromised. If it is a air unit problem it is probably best for you to replace it (sorry).

It is a good idea to become friendly with the staff of the running specialty store in your area (if you have one). These stores are not likely to carry shoes with known issues and have very liberal return/exchange policies.

Also, a shoe begins to age when it is made not when you start using it. It is best to buy recently manufactured shoes (not a pair of clearance shoes) and begin using them right away. The materials used in running shoes age fairly rapidly.

skin tone